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Letter "D" » Deep Thoughts
"I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that 0 you owe me?" or "Do you have that you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!"
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
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