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Letter "D" » Deep Thoughts
"Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!"
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
"We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me."
Author: Jack Handy
About: Deep Thoughts
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